Boundaries and ADHD

When you are open and honest about your needs, you honour yourself and honour your relationships by being vulnerable enough to speak your truth and give others the opportunity to demonstrate the respect they have for you.

This photo was taken by Chona Kasinger

When you are open and honest about your needs, you honour yourself and honour your relationships by being vulnerable enough to speak your truth and give others the opportunity to demonstrate the respect they have for you.

I asked my friends what they would like to know more about and boundaries was one topic that came up. Researching this topic really helped me navigate relationships and change my perspective on needs, vulnerability and connections.

Boundaries to help maintain deep connections and really important when navigating relationships so here is the podcast I wrote to support others regarding boundaries :

Unfortunately there isn't a transcript but as the script writer I can provide the key talking points.

Boundaries are about what you are willing to do, what you are not willing to do, what makes you feel comfortable or safe. Boundaries are about maintaining well-being for yourself.

Setting boundaries is a type of promise with yourself where you identify your needs and communicate what you would like for yourself.

Boundaries are not about the other people, setting rules or parameters around other people. Setting boundaries is not about telling another person what to do.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know the difference between rules/restrictions on other people and boundaries.

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Boundary vs Rules

Can you tell the difference ?

You need to drive me around when it gets dark because I don't like driving when it's dark.

This is a rule as it focuses on the other person's behaviour

I will leave early tomorrow as I don't drive when it's raining and it's going to rain tomorrow evening.

This is a boundary, you have identified your discomfort with driving in the rain and explained your plan of action.

If you want to get in my car you must stay quiet so I can concentrate.

This is a rule, although you explained your reasoning.

I normally drive in silence, it's important to me so I can concentrate, I don't continue the journey when I'm distracted.

This is a boundary, needs have been stated and the actions you take to protect your boundaries have been stated as well.

Amazon Podcast Link

Boundaries can be anything you decide based on your needs.

For example, if you find that you prefer one on one settings rather than group settings with friends, the first part of boundary setting is admitting that group settings make you feel uncomfortable. Once you have identified your needs, next is committing to your boundaries and communicating it to the people that care about you. So if a friend asks if you want to join a group for drinks, because you know how group settings make you feel, you can tell them I prefer one on one settings, thanks for inviting me but I don't attend group settings. You have not told your friend not to organise group events but rather relayed what your needs and preferences are. You have set boundaries.

It's difficult for people with ADHD to identify boundaries and set boundaries because they may have never been taught how to identify their needs, or even taught to prioritise other people's feelings first and people please.

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If you know a neuro-diverse/neuro-spicy somebody that would love this article please share it with them.

It's important to look within and reflect on what you like and how you would like to navigate relationships and the wider world. Without boundaries you can often feel resentment if you feel violated or that your boundaries have been crossed multiple times. As the people around you are not mind readers it's important to speak up about your boundaries as you identify them. Waiting to highlight your boundaries after resentment has been built or during an argument may not lead to deep connections and intimacy.

Here are 3 tips in relation to boundaries:

To set boundaries it is important to first understand and identify your needs
You can establish your boundaries in a long-term relationship, it's never too late to express them.
Think of boundaries as a promise to yourself to protect your well-being that you invited others to do, rather than restrictions or rules for others

Thank you so much for reading, hope you get to listen to the podcast and if not hope this summary was helpful. Lots of love, Love, Builder of Worlds.

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A Black non-binary person stands casually outside a cafe while leaning on their leopard print cane. They are dressed in all black and have a shaved head, glasses, and a red lip, along with moon earrings and a gold bracelet.