Self Acceptance and ADHD

This photo was taken by Chona Kasinger

Alt text: A Black non-binary person stands casually outside a cafe while leaning on their leopard print cane. They are dressed in all black and have a shaved head, glasses, and a red lip, along with moon earrings and a gold bracelet.

There was an chance to help ADHD Babes revive their podcast and I jumped at the opportunity though I hadn't participated in a support group in a while.

When I first realized I had ADHD symptoms (my sibling diagnosed me), ADHD Babes support group really helped me cultivate self-acceptance. Hearing from other people in a safe space, experiencing things I felt were unique to me helped me realise I didn't need to internalise the negative feedback I had got.

I was eager to help the podcast and I noticed that self-acceptance was a recurring sore spot for me and so it was the first topic I wanted to write about. In an ableist world that judges us based on our productivity and assimilation to "sane society", its incredibly challenging to accept the way your mind works if you are an African/Afro-Caribbean/Afro-Latin/Black person.

Unfortunately there isn't a transcript but as the script writer I can provide the key talking points.

Firstly ‘Psychology Today’ describes the difference between self acceptance and self esteem as :"self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves"

Secondly self acceptance can be difficult to practice when you have ADHD due to a number of reasons but primarily that people with ADHD are more likely to receive negative feedback on who we are, our ADHD symptoms and behaviours.

It is ironic but the lack of self acceptance is taught to us by the people around us who may not accept us as we are. If we internalised the negative feedback we get it can prevent us from accepting ourselves.

Finally a major factor regarding self acceptance and ADHD is comparison. If we compare other peoples skills, whether that be their ability with time, executive function or attentiveness it can be easy to reject our own qualities. If we view ourselves through the lens of maximum productivity at all times it can be challenging to accept ourselves as we are.

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My three top tips to help cultivate self-acceptance:

Giving ourselves self-compassion. When we try and be more understanding of our past and present selves we can shore up self acceptance for our present and future selves. Self compassion looks like forgiving ourselves for things we felt was all our fault, pardon ourselves of previous wrongdoings.
Embrace your humanity, remember you are a human being shaped by your biology, environment and circumstances. None of us are one thing none of us are perfect or 100% wrong. We have parts we might enjoy more than others but the parts we may not enjoy are still part of who we are.
We can practice self acceptance by reducing the time spent doing self assessment, striving towards perfectionism and constantly trying to self improve. We can affirm the person we are today.

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Thank you so much for reading, hope you get to listen to the podcast and if not hope this summary was helpful. Lots of love, Love, Builder of Worlds.